不要跟一个女人吵架

2017/04/10 21:33
阅读数 183

Today, my 15 year old girlfriend called to tell me she is pregnant. Her dad is ex-military, and makes a point of cleaning his guns every time I go to her house. FML

刚才我15岁的女友告诉我她怀孕了,这不是重点,重点是她老爸是个退伍兵,每回去他家的时候他都在我面前擦枪。FML

 

Today, while practicing for a competition, someone decided to spin a rifle with a bayonet. I'm currently sitting in the ER with stitches in my foot. FML

最怕猪一样的队友,今天在进行比赛训练,结果有个哥们拿着一把上了刺刀的步枪挥舞了一下,你没猜错,戳到人了,嗯,那个倒霉蛋就是我,我现在正在急诊室里面缝合我的脚。FML

 

Today, I accidentally unplugged my headphones in the quiet section of the library, causing my music to play from my laptop at full volume. I was listening to Celine Dion. I'm the captain of the football team. FML

楼主是学校的足球对队长,平常比较喜欢劲爆的音乐,结果今天在图书馆看书的时候不小心把耳机线拔出来了,当时楼主正在听Celine Dion(席琳·迪翁 -- 以高音著称),瞬时高亢的音乐充满了整个图书馆。。。FML

 

 Today, I was paired up with my long-term crush for a project. She introduced herself to me and asked if I was new this year. We've gone to the same school since kindergarten. FML

我一直在暗恋的女神跟我打招呼了“你好,认识一下,请问你是新来的嘛?”---- 我从幼儿园就跟你一直上同一所学校。FML

 

Today, while babysitting, the power went off. My little cousin pointed into the dark kitchen behind me and asked, "Who's that man standing there?" 

差点儿被吓死,真事儿,就在刚刚,楼主的叔叔把我的表弟放在我们家让我们帮忙看着,然后晚上的时候我父母出去了,楼主(女)负责照看我的小表弟,结果突然停电了,然后。。。我的表弟突然指着我身后黑乎乎的厨房问我“站在你后边的那个男的是谁?”,真的吓死我了。FML

 

Today, I got in an argument with my wife. I told her that I feel like she immediately disagrees with anything I say. She immediately disagreed and said she never does that. FML

跟老婆吵架了,我说“你从来就不会听我的”,然后,“你这是瞎说八道,我什么时候没听你的了”。。。。。(就是现在你就没听)FML

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