情人节,狗狗都被人抱走,姑娘,单身狗你要么?

2017/03/31 23:11
阅读数 97

Today, my fiancé and I appeared in the paper for obtaining our marriage license. In the same column half way down his parents appeared for filing their marriage dissolution petition. FML

没见苍天饶过谁,我跟我未婚夫着了一家报纸刊登了我们要结婚的消息,结果万万没想到,我未婚夫的父母也在这张报纸刊登了离婚的消息。   FML

 

Today, my boyfriend's parents visited us. When everyone was chatting in the room, I needed to go to the bathroom. I got up and wanted to walk away when I sneezed, and farted at the same time. I thought they didn't hear it, until my boyfriend's brother said: "That wasn't just a sneeze was it?" FML

我男朋友的父母来看我们。当每个人都在房间里聊天的时候,我想要去一趟洗手间。当我起身要走的时候,我打个喷嚏的同时个放屁。我以为他们没有听到,结果我男朋友的哥哥说:“打喷嚏怎么搞出来的臭味啊?”FML

 

Today, my best friend set me up on a blind date with someone he said was very hot. I'm not exactly what you call fit, so I haven't been dating lately. As soon as I got to the restaurant, I spotted the girl. She looked me up and down, said, "You have GOT to be kidding me" and left. FML

相亲被人给涮了,今儿,我一哥们(特不靠谱)跟我讲介绍一个特正点的妹子给我认识,楼主也相亲好久了一直没遇到合适的,想着见见就见见呗,然后就去了,到了餐馆,我找来找去最后确定一个女孩儿应该是我哥们介绍的,心中暗喜真挺不错的,结果还没落座呢,“不好意思,我刚接到电话公司加班。”人家妹子连句话的机会都没给就直接走了。   FML

 

Today, for my 2 year anniversary, I bought my girlfriend a beautiful $400 necklace. She bought me a pink $5 shirt of Elton John riding a piano through space. FML

为了庆祝我和我老婆结婚2周年,我为我女朋友买了一条400美金的漂亮项链。 而她却给我买了一件印有埃尔顿·约翰逊骑着钢琴穿越太空的价值5美元的粉红衬衫。差距怎么就这么大呢?

 

Today, I met a really cute guy at work. He asked for my number, and I wrote it down on a piece of paper. After looking at the paper, he crumpled it up, yelled "Do you think I'm stupid? I know the rejection hotline when I see it", and walked away. It was my real phone number. FML

今天,我在工作中遇到了一个非常可爱的家伙。 他问我的手机号码,我把它写在了一张纸上。 看了纸后,他皱起眉头,大叫:“你觉得我很笨,我一看就知道这是拒绝热线!”,然后就转身离开了。 我想说这真的是我的真正电话号码!FML

 

Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on Valentine's Day. Thinking I was in luck, I asked if I should come along. She said no. My dog has better game than I do. FML

刚刚就在刚刚,一个可爱的妹子把我我们家那只见色忘义的狗狗被人抱走过情人节去了。我正遛狗呢,突然迎面来一个妹子问我我的狗狗的情人节有没有安排,楼主当时就说“我跟我的狗没有没有安排。”结果妹子说:“奥,那就不用了。”转身要走,结果你猜怎么着,我这狗当场就叛变了,围着妹子不断的卖萌,现在他们都去过情人节,就剩我一只单身狗孤零零的在这儿杵着。

 

 

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